Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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