remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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