There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
