He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I believe in your delicious
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