i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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