she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
