Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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