Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
