were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
