bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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