Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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