I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
