Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
send nudes
from the living room?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
