just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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