I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
