my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
