Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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