he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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