I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
