it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When did we convert life to cartoon?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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