she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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