Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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