I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
