I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
