i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
