sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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