She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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