saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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