Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
