And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
