I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
