i don't plan on having that self control this summer
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
