She is in my trunk
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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