why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
