Umm I'm too high to move.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
