Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
