you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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