He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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