Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
