Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
