So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
