I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
