Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
there is glitter all over my balls
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