i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
