is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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