It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
