I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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