If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
