I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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