Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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