i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
