guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
