Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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