Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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