I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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